Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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