420 ftw
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
