You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
