I wish I could punch you in the face.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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