I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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