I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
