You're completely useless in the revolution.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
