thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
