i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
