I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
