she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
