I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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