so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
