I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is my gift to your gina
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
