Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
