you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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