Can i not drive my cunt home
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
