Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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