She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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