dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
