Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
