Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
