ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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