awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
