I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i think i just lost a toe
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
