Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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