Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
