I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
