It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
