I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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