would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands