I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far