I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.