No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake