my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
