At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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