Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
