Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
