After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
