Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
