before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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