i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
