just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
