did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
