There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
