I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
