Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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