We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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