i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
