So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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