i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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