Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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