community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
