Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
