you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
