you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
only if we run a train.
done.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
