There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
