69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
