how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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