kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who died my cat blue again?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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