Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
