"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
