Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
