Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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