I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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