lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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