So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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