thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
