all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
