there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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