If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
